It is nine-o-five on a Monday evening. The bedtime routine started off smooth sailing, as it does most nights. What started off positively has now turned into what I can only assume to be a massacre in the other room. Why a massacre, do you ask? Well, because of the screaming for mommy, the sobbing that I assume to be accompanied by tears.
I feel like I have done all the things a “good” mom would do. I have assured that the temperature is comfortable. We have snuggled. We read and giggled about our silly thoughts for a while. More snuggles. Made sure tummies were full but not too full. Singing. Kisses goodnight, and MORE SNUGGLES!
Here I am, though, feeling like the worst parent in the world because something must still be missing. When it comes down to it, what’s missing is my husband or me. We are no longer in the room with her for the night, which is uncomfortable for her. So now we, my husband and myself, have to decide whether it is better to let her work through a tough night and build confidence in her own abilities to comfort herself, or does that give her a sense that her parents don’t care? Or do we go back in for more cuddles, one more song, or another drink of water to ensure that we love her and want her to feel safe?
I have come to the conclusion that absolutely no book, no podcast, and no advice can really give you the answer. I won’t pretend to be the first to have this epiphany one bit, but I feel it is important to restate it!
Only you, being in that moment, feeling the energy and understanding your child, can give you the answer. Honestly, not even a full answer. But you will make the decision that fits best for that night, maybe even just that one instance, and then in an hour, you will make a different choice to support your child.
Some of you might be wondering now, what did they do? Did they go back in? Did they quickly read a bedtime blog and do the XYZ process they read up on? What was it? What was the magic sauce?
I can confidently share that we did not find the magic sauce. We went back in for some extra cuddles and found the missing water bottle. This helped for 30 more min …
I think all is good now for the night, and this momma is tired.
Goodnight 🙂 Mandie